Bad Habits: A Book of Confessions about Confession
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Jenny McCarthy--actress, comedian, activist, and New York Times bestselling author--candidly recounts her humorous Catholic upbringing, from her childhood dream of becoming a nun to her Playmate of the Year centerfold, and all of the Hail Mary's in between.
In keeping with the theme of her comedic New York Times bestsellers, from Belly Laughs to Love, Lust & Faking It, McCarthy brings her trademark honesty, humility, and humor to bear as she chronicles her often embarrassing, occasionally outlandish, and always entertaining life as a born-and-raised Catholic girl.
Jenny attended one of the most prestigious all-girl Catholic schools in Chicago. While most young girls in Jenny's neighborhood were playing with Cabbage Patch dolls for fun, Jenny was playing with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph dolls. She had every intention of growing up and becoming a nun, but a few hilarious speed bumps and blinking red lights along the way changed her mind. Jenny never did accept Sister Mary's reasoning that she could avoid purgatory if she just bought a string necklace for $10. The fact that two of her aunts are simultaneously nuns and cops-yes, they carry guns and shoot people while wearing a habit-never made complete sense to her. And neither does her mother's insistence that Jenny bury certain religious statues in the front lawns of her houses before she sells them. But then again, Jenny does have four of them buried across Southern California.
This book tells the story of what went wrong during Jenny's Catholic upbringing, or, as Jenny puts it now, what went right. Chapters include: "I Knew I Should Have Worn Underwear to Church", "Jesus' Baby Mama", "Can Someone Kill Our Dog, Please?", and "Oh No, My Mom is Going to Hell."
BAD HABITS is a brutally honest, hilarious memoir that will delight the legions of Jenny McCarthy fans.
checked my lotto numbers for that week. I pulled out my quick pick and checked the numbers. I sat down to compare them and as I approached the last number, I started to scream. I won one hundred bucks. Maybe this was a sign. Or a new career path: gambling. I put my ticket in the machine and collected $100.47. I was alone in the store, so I did a happy dance behind the cash register. I was lost in the moment as I watched myself in the mirror trying to do my best moonwalk. Then two scary-looking
for myself and the baby. I kept praying to God to let something happen that would ease my stress. As the months went on, my body was changing so drastically that I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. Looking at my naked ass could have been one of the most scarring visuals in my life. No, I take that back—1970s ape pussy still beats it. But my ass got so big it didn’t even have a crack anymore. It was just a giant tub of cottage cheese. I not only felt horrific and looked horrific, but
Sorry. “Heal” is the wrong word. Vicodin numbs emotional aliments for about four hours. Unless you take two. Then your emotional pain will be numbed for eight hours. I wasn’t aware of this oasis away from emotional hurt until an LA troll said, “Want to party with some Vicodin?” “Party with Vicodin?” I asked. “Yeah,” the troll said. “Take one and just get creamy. You can have a beer and make it even better.” “Okay!” I exclaimed. I swallowed a Vicodin and immediately felt all of my muscles
was going to do. Reading bedtime stories was always a special time for Evan and me. I saw the enchantment in his eyes with every page I turned. I was as much in awe of him as he was with the story I was telling. He wanted to learn and take everything in like every other thriving child. I promised I would do everything to give him the world to explore. Weeks later, Evan had a seizure that was so horrific it put him into cardiac arrest. I was still waiting for the paramedics to arrive when he
swingers play.” Who gave them the authority to suddenly eliminate the whole Limbo theory? This made no sense to me. I always thought all these rules came from God, so how in the heck was the Church allowed to change such a huge belief it had brainwashed us into believing? Does it know the amount of endless suffering I endured and the sleepless nights I stayed up praying rosaries for all the dead baby souls throughout my adolescence? And what is the verdict on masturbation? Does God mind? Does